Her Price is Far Above Rubies (Part III)

Herein we have the final installment of “Her Price is Far Above Rubies.” More than anything in my life (apart from my relationship with Himself), God desires my relationship with Sarah to succeed. He does not simply want my relationship with her to survive; He desires to see it thrive. If God is for us, who can be against us?

With this in mind, there are two more responsibilities a husband has toward his wife from the three passages I have been studying.

4. Husbands ought to lead their wives with knowledge (I Peter 3:7). The idea found in this passage is a husband’s devotion to become acutely aware of everything that pertains to his wife. It is the same idea of a scientist who devotes his entire life to specialize in a particular field of study and is considered an “expert.” God wants husbands (not a wife’s best friend, mother, or sister) to be the leading expert on their wives. Some husbands may ask, “Well, doesn’t living with them for 30, 40, or 50 years make me an expert?” Unfortunately, the answer is no. God says we are to dwell with them, but He does not end there. He commands husbands to dwell with them according to knowledge. The idea of knowledge holds the idea of science. When a scientist performs an experiment, he does so to gain knowledge about a particular substance or reaction by examining it from every angle possible and within various environments. These experiments give a scientist a detailed view of the intricacies of the object of study. Husbands are to learn the intricacies of their wives. Every wife is different. Each has different tastes, humor, struggles, strengths and so on. A husband who dwells with his wife according to knowledge will take the information he gathers to benefit his wife. Many husbands, instead of benefiting his wife, take such knowledge and use it as a weapon in his arsenal to be pulled out in a time of anger or frustration. Husbands must be extremely careful not to use personal or intimate knowledge of his wife against her.

Dwelling with our wives according to knowledge can be seen in little things like remembering her favorite flower, food or restaurant. It will also show itself in practical ways. If a husband realizes that saying or doing a particular thing irritates his wife, he will refrain from doing that. Husbands ought to rejoice in the fact that they are given a lifetime to learn the intricacies of the woman they love. As I learn more and more of Sarah, I am beginning to realize that a lifetime will only be the beginning of the journey.

5. Husbands ought to be affectionate toward their wives (Colossians 3:19). This verse in Colossians commands husbands to love their wives, but it then tacks on the phrase, “and be not bitter against them.” Although a husband’s affection toward his wife includes holding her hand or giving her a hug, the idea behind this verse goes much deeper. The word “bitter” used in this passage is found in three additional times in the New Testament. The other three times this word is used is in the book of Revelation. Each usage displays a physical bitterness (i.e. waters are made bitter to taste, or a stomach is made bitter after eating). When a person is bitter (to a point of becoming physically ill) the last thing that person wants is to be near the person that is making them bitter. The last notion they would ever entertain is to show that person affection. Sadly, many husbands have ignored this command and have allowed their feelings toward their spouse to turn from love to bitterness. The interesting thing about this is that bitterness deals completely on our end. It has absolutely nothing to do with the other person. Some husbands would say, “Well, if you spent time with my wife, you’d know.” Proverbs 27:7 states, “The full soul loatheth a honeycomb; but to the hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet.” I saw an illustration of this a few weeks ago. We took our teens up to Morgantown and Lancaster Pennsylvania to visit our Junior Campers at High Point, as well as a teen from our group who had broken his leg while up in that area. He was now in a hospital, and I thought it would be nice to stop by with the teens as see how he was doing. We loaded up at around 12:30 and left from the church. Although I had mentioned that we would not be stopping for lunch or dinner the night before, some of the teens had not eaten lunch before we left. After visiting the camp, getting lost in Lancaster, and then visiting the hospital, we made our way back to church. By about 5:30, some of the teens who had not eaten lunch were extremely hungry. As they looked around the van for some food, they stumbled upon a package of crackers with peanut butter. The crackers had not expired yet, so the teens dug in. The thing that amazed me was their comments as they began eating the crackers. “Mmmm, these crackers are really good.” Another teen said, “These are the best crackers I’ve ever had.” The crackers were normal, partly stale crackers with peanut butter. Although the crackers were nothing special, what was special was the teens hunger. They were hungry souls to whom just about anything would have tasted sweet. On the other hand, someone who has just finished eating a big Thanksgiving meal (which if done right would include fruit, soup, ravioli, turkey and all the fixings) would not be the least bit tempted with food even if you offered them a fine steak dinner. This is how Proverbs 27:7 relates to husbands: It is not the sweetness of a man’s wife that determines whether he will be bitter against her or not. It is wholly dependent upon whether he is a “full” or “hungry” soul. I just finished reading a biography of Adoniram Judson. In his life, Judson had three wives. The thing that stuck out to me concerning this was the sweetness of his relationship to each of his wives. Although they were different in their personalities and appearance, his relationship to them remained constant. If Adoniram Judson had one hundred wives in his life time, I am sure the story would have been the same. But if you take a bitter man, it will not matter who you pair him with, the outcome will never change. Husbands, we need to realize that God is far more concerned about changing me, than me worrying about how and when He is going to change my spouse.

In conclusion to these posts on a husband’s responsibilities to his wife, I will add a list of ten practical items that can help men express love to their wives. Although the list is not exhaustive, God has used many of these things on the list to help me deepen and display my love for Sarah. I hope they are a help to you.

1. Read and talk about scripture with wife. Ask each other questions about what you are reading and the things the Lord is teaching you.

2. Read biographies of godly men. This is the one thing over the past year that has helped me more spiritually as a husband than any other thing.

3. Read books about being a godly husband, and then implement the book’s suggestions. You can also read books about marriage together.

4. Pray for your spouse (Not that she turns into what you want her to be but that you turn into what you should be).

5. Set money and time aside for dates.

6. Apologize when you are wrong.

7. Turn off the T.V. and talk.

8. Find ministries to work together in.

9. Go to couples retreats.

10. Network with other couples and double date.